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Title: The Captain’s Wish
Author: Cicero
Fandom: Enterprise
Pairing: Archer/Reed
Rating: R
Summary: "I do not fear death; I've always feared living."
Email Address: Cicerothewriter@livejournal.com
Categories: AU, Drama, Angst
Feedback notes: Like it? Don't like it? Spelling or Grammar errors? Please let me know.
Warnings: Slash. Major Character Death.
Notes: Written in less than an hour in response to my first viewing of “The Communicator.” Re-read for errors once.
Disclaimer: I do not own Enterprise. I am writing this for fun, not profit.

I do not fear death; I've always feared living - ever since that day when my father judged me no longer a boy but a man. I had thought I'd gotten over my dread of life until I suffered the desertion of my first boyfriend, Daniel, and soon after by my first girlfriend, Susanna. After that I left behind thoughts of happiness in another's arms.

Only... I regained it later in my captain's arms. We were about to die by hanging. My despair hurt Archer, and I was devastated that his last few hours would be filled with pain on my behalf.

I hated myself for being the cause of the captain's demise, and I thought my punishment fitting: to be forced to watch Archer hang. I tried to apologize again, knowing that it was futile but needing to hear Archer say something. He stopped me in mid-sentence.

"I don't want to hear another word, Malcolm." He sighed, pain evident in his eyes. I hated myself more. "I want." He stopped abruptly, looking me in the eyes for several seconds. I wonder what he saw.

"I want our time together to be..." For a moment I thought he was going to say 'happy.'

"Content," he finished, sitting cautiously beside me. His right arm went round my shoulders. His left hand raised my chin after my automatic defenses told me to lower myself from his scrutiny. His eyes begged me for this moment, but I knew that he would never force me.

"Content," I replied, thinking that if I could ignore our imminent deaths, this would be the epitome of contentment: alone together and in his arms.

I gave him what we both wanted. I have never felt so cherished, so loved, and watching him take pleasure in my body was almost painful for my heart felt overly full.

After that I was prepared to die at his side. I was not prepared to live.

"He's my tactical officer. He can tell you everything you want to know about the alliance's troop deployments, their weapons."

"Captain."

"You don't need to kill him."

The General nodded, and the soldiers pulled me away. "No," I whispered, ready to flee to the Captain's side.

"Malcolm," he said softly, and I stopped. "Protect my ship."

I felt tears in my eyes, but they never dropped. "Jonathan," I said, and could not continue.

"Please," he added, and I nodded.

We watched each other as they led Archer to the platform. The General asked if I wished to leave the room. Jonathan nodded to me that it would be okay. I looked at Jonathan and said, “No.”

The Suliban ship came a bit late. The snap of bone was still reverberating in my ears when I heard Trip yell something. I could only watch the long, swaying body of my captain. Only the wish that Archer not stay there pushed me to cut him down and carry him to the ship. T’Pol secured our equipment and x-rays. I just sat there, and held him closer. Even Trip’s sad, blue eyes could not get me to release him.

"Malcolm, protect my ship," he had said. His plea is the only reason why I have not followed my instincts. The phase pistol lies on my desk, waiting for my decision.

I do not deserve to live. I failed my captain, and worse still the man I love, by causing his death, but Jonathan would not see it that way. He was triumphant when he realized that he could prevent my death. He saw it as a success. Far be it from me to contradict my captain.

I will always protect your ship, my captain. Sir.



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